Triggering past trauma or abuse
If you’re a survivor of sexual assault, certain movements or positions may trigger painful memories.
This can make you feel particularly vulnerable and tears would be an understandable reaction.
If this has become a frequent problem, you may want to take a break from sex. Consider seeing a qualified therapist who can help you work on coping skills.
What to do if you cry
For physical pain or discomfort just prior to, during, or after sex, see a doctor. Many causes of this type of pain are treatable.
Otherwise, think about the reasons for crying. Here are some questions to ask yourself in the moment:
- Was it just a few stray tears or was I truly crying?
- Did it feel physical or emotional?
- What was going through my mind when it started? Were my thoughts pleasant or disturbing?
- Was I reliving an abusive event or relationship?
- Did crying relieve tension or add to it?
If your answers tend toward being overwhelmed with love or pure physical pleasure, then you probably don’t need to worry about it. Shedding a few tears or even all-out blubbering after sex doesn’t always merit a change.
If your answers point toward emotional issues within the relationship or in the bedroom, here are a few things to try:
- Give it time. Go over these questions again the next day when you have some time to yourself and can fully explore your feelings.
- Talk to your partner. Working on relationship issues can clear the air and enhance your sex life.
- Talk about sex. Discuss your sexual likes and dislikes. Be careful not to criticize, but to encourage sharing of feelings and ideas with the intention of enriching your sexual experiences. It can be awkward, but it’s worth doing.
If this process brings up painful trauma or unresolved emotions, don’t dismiss crying as unimportant.
What to do if your partner cries
Seeing your partner cry after sex can be a little disconcerting, so:
- Ask if something is wrong, but try not to belittle or sound accusatory.
- Offer comfort, but respect their wishes if they need some space.
- Bring it up later, outside the heat of the moment. Listen respectfully. Don’t force the issue if they still don’t want to discuss it.
- Don’t push sex on them.
- Ask how you can help.
Basically, just be there for them.
The bottom line
Crying after sex isn’t unusual and, while it’s usually no cause for alarm, it can be a sign of deeper issues that should be addressed.
If this happens regularly, you may find it helpful to speak with a therapist about what you’re experiencing.
They can help you unpack the reason for your tears and potentially work through any underlying concerns.
